The saying “we always want what we can’t have” in life seems to be a prophesy for this season of my life. 6 and a half years ago I wanted a change so bad, a new phase. I felt called away by God and I craved an unknown life- a shift. I craved it for 2 years and then finally I moved halfway across the country in search of a new journey, a path to my destiny. I was ready then- 5 years back when I was boarding a plane to Texas- to fly the coop and never look back. I was ready to leave everyone and everything I had ever known behind. And I did. And it was hard. It still is at times. I’ve considered going back. I’ve considered what I want. I’ve considered what is easy. But I also know there is something greater than myself at work. The God of the universe, El Roi the God who sees, and He sees me.
This year, more than ever, I have found myself yearning deeply for all those things familiar, all those memories of old.
I find myself wishing I could go back and live it again. That time of simplicity. Those familiar faces and routines. But I can’t. Even if I went back physically nothing would be the same. Too much time has passed and as things do, they change. But they changed without me and so they are strange to me.
I can’t go back. None of us can. We can only go forward. That is the only option left for any of us. We can just make the best of the future that’s before us. It might be a strange, unknown future but ultimately it is what we make of it. And I will choose to make it beautiful. I will make it Merry and Bright. Even in the unknown, even in the fear or pain. I know it will be beautiful because God’s hand is in it. I will CHOOSE to see his hand at work and wonder at His greatness, His Love, His ability to make beauty out of ashes. I choose to see hope.