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A Writer’s Prayer

Waterman Perspective Fountain Pen in Black

The Writer                                                                                                                       

                1                                                                              2

     I am a writer                                                        I write to give life

You have made me so.                                         to hidden glories untold,

   I am not an author                                            to bring up, encourage

             (of yet)                                                        to free the captives that

          not a poet                                                      cannot write clean their souls

        not a lyricist                                                    in iron clad confessions

      nor a song writer

 

3

Help me, O Lord

to bear well this

gift of might,

the iron pen,

with a true heart

and noble spirit.

Let me not write

curses of death

unto others, but life

abundant in all

experiences.

 

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Elf to B.C.

book-read-reading-blanket-79697I recently got the opportunity to help out a children’s hospital and deliver a boat-load of presents and money to one family in need, and one sick little boy.

They do it every year. This one unit of nurses at Santa Rosa Children’s Hospital gives of their own money to bring a smile to one deserving child and their whole family each Christmas. They go all out and get EVERY SINGLE THING on that child’s Christmas list and the list of their family. One nurse had another little boy in his neighborhood want to help and he started a lemonade stand. He raised 30 dollars but when word got out about what he was doing other neighbors decided to match what he raised. The little boy ended up influencing a sum of $500. So that nurse got $500 dollars worth of gift cards and gave it to this year’s recipient.

This year’s recipient is one little boy, who we will call BC (the Big Cheese), and who is currently fighting cancer for the second time. His mom has also faced cancer, herself, so this has to be a very terrible thing to watch her sweet 8 year old boy go through chemo, knowing exactly what he is feeling and probably hating that she can’t do a thing to make it better.

Because the gift giving was meant to be a completely anonymous gifting, insert me. I got to do the delivering.  So 5 pm, I pulled up to the house with one of the nurses who packed me with the gifts. I rang the bell and BC’s mom answered. Just as I was telling her who I was, a bald little head was bobbing down the stairs coming for me. Despite some facial disfigurement from reconstructive surgery, he had a big old grin on his face.

Processed with VSCO with e5 preset“That’s a lot of presents!” he said as his mom was helping me toss gifts under their bare tree. I smiled. “You must be BC…”

“Yeah.”

“These are for you! From the little elves from the Children’s hospital.”

“Thank you!” He grinned sweetly. He gave me a hug and then I was on my way. It was a 90 second encounter. Yet, it was one that will stay with me and probably with them too for a long time.

There is nothing like seeing the simple joys of a child light up your soul when their joy is activated. I work with kids all day and it never gets old. They love so purely. They celebrate their little joys so freely. It’s such a beautiful gift to be able to see this every day at work. Yet, to see a sick little boy beaming from ear to ear is even better. It is all the Christmas I need.

Above all I am grateful to God for this opportunity to be a tiny insignificant part of this amazing team of nurses who have such a heart for their job- that is their patients. I am thankful to have been able to be their hands and feet and bring joy to one little very significant heart who’s struggle is so much bigger than he is, but who has so much joy!

Beauty for Ashes…

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The saying “we always want what we can’t have” in life seems to be a prophesy for this season of my life. 6 and a half years ago I wanted a change so bad, a new phase. I felt called away by God and I craved an unknown life- a shift. I craved it for 2 years and then finally I moved halfway across the country in search of a new journey, a path to my destiny. I was ready then- 5 years back when I was boarding a plane to Texas- to fly the coop and never look back. I was ready to leave everyone and everything I had ever known behind. And I did. And it was hard. It still is at times. I’ve considered going back. I’ve considered what I want. I’ve considered what is easy. But I also know there is something greater than myself at work. The God of the universe, El Roi the God who sees, and He sees me.
This year, more than ever, I have found myself yearning deeply for all those things familiar, all those memories of old.

I find myself wishing I could go back and live it again. That time of simplicity. Those familiar faces and routines. But I can’t. Even if I went back physically nothing would be the same. Too much time has passed and as things do, they change. But they changed without me and so they are strange to me.

I can’t go back. None of us can. We can only go forward. That is the only option left for any of us. We can just make the best of the future that’s before us. It might be a strange, unknown future but ultimately it is what we make of it. And I will choose to make it beautiful. I will make it Merry and Bright. Even in the unknown, even in the fear or pain. I know it will be beautiful because God’s hand is in it. I will CHOOSE to see his hand at work and wonder at His greatness, His Love, His ability to make beauty out of ashes. I choose to see hope.

Bumps for Advent…

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There are always going to be bumps in the road, I’ve recently learned, but that’s where God comes in. Many times without the bumps we really wouldn’t think we needed God. In reality, we do. We need someone so much less limited than we are to carry us when we fall… and we will all fall.

In those rare moments of depth on a show like ‘Friday Night Lights’ comes out this beautiful nugget of truth:

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We seem to think that nothing bad can touch us if we go about our ordinary mundane, but being present at the wrong time, the wrong place- or just going about our life…well disaster can easily happen. And life is different because of the presence of one single moment in time, where we fell victim. Victims to circumstance, to the death of a loved one, to betrayal of our own body, to any number of things that can happen that leave us changed forever.

This isn’t being negative… it’s being realistic. Disasters happen. But enjoying the now, basking in what we have even if it is not perfect is needed, because as the saying goes ‘you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is quite true.

However, truer yet, is “you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.” Taking things for granted leads us into danger: the danger of always looking ahead to when the road is smooth and never a pothole in sight. The reality is, it may never EVER be that way so you can’t waste your life waiting around for what may to come.

The deep voiced, smooth talker, Kyle Chandler , continues with this:

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There will come a time for every one of us to face that fact that we are terminal, we have an expiration date. And sooner or later we will meet our maker. We will be unable to justify ourselves before a perfect, blemishless God. But that’s why He gave us His everything. He gave us everything in his son Jesus. But most of the time, we were too busy to remember, to see it or care. Until a moment stops us. Until something we cannot ignore crashes down on us. Those are the moments priorities align. Those are the clarity filled moments that bring all that’s hidden inner hearts to light.

And for some of us, we need to be stopped in our tracks, stopped in consuming life like it’s just water. We need to hear the clear whispers of an Almighty God, who is always there, always unchanging upholding us in our weakest and our greatest moments. We just don’t see Him most of the time because we are too busy. So let us thank God even for the trials, even for the tests. I for do.

So let us remember. Let us remember who we celebrate this Christmas season. Let us remember what really matters. Happy Advent!